Naked Pictures of Famous People by Jon Stewart

Author:Jon Stewart
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, pdf
Tags: Literary Collections, Humor, Form, General, American essays, Essays, Comedy Writing, American wit and humor
ISBN: 9780688171629
Publisher: PERENNIAL
Published: 1999-10-28T07:50:01.417326+00:00

FIVE UNDER FIVE

WHO AMONG US will build that bridge to the twenty-first century? Who among us will fail to identify the correct cultural trends and end up living under that bridge—uninformed trolls who were told repeatedly that Mehndi designs were in, yet whose feet and hands are still horribly unadorned? Magazines have been most generous in identifying the "30 people under 30" who will lead us stylishly, entertainingly and politically into this grand new millennium. We've been handed a blueprint. Those with a keen eye will never again find themselves bringing a white trash seventies theme party to a crashing halt with the question "Tibet's not free?" Magazine editors have paved the rough road into the year 2000.

Then what? Recent "People to Watch" articles only take us at best through the year 2005. Are we then to stand alone, looking out into the abyss of our future ... unguided by the cutting edge of the trendsetters? Who will be the most powerful television executive? The next generation's favorite author? What will our models be wearing? Who will be our models' favorite author? The boomers will die. Generation X will develop prostate trouble. Generation Y will probably still be fine, but as they approach middle age, will we be as interested in what they're doing? Who will be there to inform us in the years 2015-2025?

Help is on the way. A research team from Conde Nast has identified five people to watch under the age of five. They feel these extraordinary people will be at the forefront of our early-to-mid-twenty-first-century cultural trends. The Fab Five is a diverse group, cutting across a variety of demographic categories. Yet they all share one exceptional truth: All of the "Five to Watch" selections should be around twenty to thirty years of age during the years 20152025. So whether it be politics, media, science or the humanities, the researchers concluded that at least one of their selections should be involved in one of those pursuits in some capacity or another. So it is my pleasure, in conjunction with the fine people at Conde Nast, to introduce The Five to Watch Under Five.

CHELSEA JAMESON

AGE: 5

BIRTHPLACE: Atlanta, Georgia

EDUCATION: Captain Jack's Toddlerama, certified tumbler, Gymboree.

POWER SPOT: The sandbox at Captain Jack's. "Everyone goes there after lunch. It's fun to play."

LESSONS LEARNED: "If someone asks you to get into their van you shouldn't because they are probably bad." INSPIRATION: "What do you mean?"

Our experts felt that women would play an important role in the early to mid twenty-first century. While Chelsea is not yet a woman, it appears certain that within fifteen to twenty years, she will be. Only five, Chelsea already has a boyfriend, Jake, and her mother believes she is very socially oriented—unlike her brother Max, three, who is very shy and will likely never appear on any list, except one detailing various shy people. Her parents feel, and we agree, that Chelsea could be at the forefront of some field of communications, perhaps TV, either on camera or off, most likely on.

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